Live and let live. PLEASE

Bigot (per Wikipedia, and confirmed elsewhere): "defined by Merriam-Webster as "a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance".  Bigotry may be based on real or perceived characteristics, including age, disability, dissension from popular opinions, economic status, ethnicity, gender identity, language, nationality, political alignment, race, region, religious or spiritual belief, sex, or sexual orientation.  Bigotry is sometimes developed into an ideology or world view."

I've seen a lot of this lately.  It drives me crazy.  People who claim they aren't bigots are some of the biggest bigots I have ever come across.  It doesn't matter what the "justification" is.  It's still being a bigot.  Things like this...

"I hate..."
...Christians, cuz they just wanna force their faith down my throat. (makes you a bigot)
...Muslims, cuz they're all terrorists. (makes you a bigot)
...Gays, cuz the Bible tells me so.  (makes you a bigot)
...Atheists, cuz they want to take me from my God.  (makes you a bigot)
...Conservatives, cuz they have no heart or soul.  (bigot!)
...Liberals, cuz they're all a bunch of pot smoking commies.  (aaannnnnd, BIGOT!)

BIGOT BIGOT BIGOT!

I don't give a damn what you think is a "valid reason."  Hating an entire group is being a BIGOT!  Deal with it.  Face it.  Come to terms with it.

There's a difference between, "I hate how some members of the Christian faith can't just accept that I believe differently" and, "I hate Christianity.  It's all crap.  Faith is dumb.  I need to make them stop believing."  You see that last there?  That last part of that last sentence?  THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU CLAIM YOU HATE ABOUT CHRISTIANS!  And, it makes you a BIGOT!  The same is true for any group.  (and, FYI, faith and religion are not the same)

I can't stand the Tea Party.  And Faux News.  And Pat Robertson.  And terrorists (NOT talking about Muslims.  I have no problem with Muslims - they are not the same thing!  Christians are terrorists, too.  And, Jews.  And and and... HellooOOooOO!).  However, I do not think that all members of a given group, org, or whatever are bad.  I don't feel compelled to go out and force my views down their throats (while complaining that they do that to me, but MY need to do it is "okay").  Or to rail against them and call all who agree with them idiots and morons.  Individuals may be a part of a group for a variety of reasons.  The Tea Part as an organization sucks, but I know lots of good people that think it's on to something.  The same with Faux News followers.  Yes, I tend to think of them as sheeple.  That's my bigotry.  But, I recognize it.  And, as hard as it is, I admit it, and I'm trying to correct it.  I won't deny it.  I won't call someone else out, but deny my own.  That's just hypocrisy, which is almost as bad.

Live and let live, people.  You wanna believe what you believe?  Fine. Believe it.  Wanna know what you know you know?  Fine.  Know it.  But, grant me and others the same goddamned courtesy.  You wanna discuss it?  Let's discuss, but recognize that it is to expand your mind and mine, not to change anyone's.  And there's the rub.  Bigots don't want to discuss.  By the very definition, it's clear that they are completely closed off to understanding, to accepting, to tolerating.  They only listen long enough to formulate an argument for why the you are wrong, or stupid, or ignorant, or bad.  A bigot wants to bend others to their worldview at any cost, not expand their own Self or worldview.

I'm tired of it.  You don't like someone's views?  That's fine.  Share yours if they seem receptive and hope they at least grant you the courtesy of a good listen.  If it looks like they don't give a shit about what you have to say, have chosen to ignore or disagree, or are entirely antagonistic, simply disengage.  It's not about you.  It's about that person.  You can share, but DON'T FORCE.  You only validate the other person's low opinion of "other people like you."  It only encourages them to dig in to their bigotry.  And, reinforces yours.  Just walk away.  Not all battles need to be fought and won.  Some things simply aren't even battles unless you make them. 

And, stop judging an entire group based on the shitty behavior of a few highly visible assholes.  YOU aren't like everyone else in the groups you align yourself with.  Neither is anyone else.  We are each unique.  We all have our own journey's.  And lessons. Yes, tolerance of intolerance is cowardly.  But, there comes a time when a lack of tolerance for the views of others (even bigoted and intolerant ones) becomes bigotry.  That time is when an entire group becomes lumped together, rather than a single individual or small sub-group....

Cooperation not opposition.  It's not always easy.  It's easier to get caught up in being right.  But, if we all just learned to accept others' views and be okay with them instead of trying to "fix" them....  And, if we were willing to at least sincerely listen to other viewpoints and consider them....  Well, there'd be no need to fight, now would there?  You can consider and assimilate info without accepting it as your own truth.  Truly.  It's possible.  And then...  And then...  AND THEN....  No more bigots.  Yay!  Dare to dream...

Live and let live, people. Even when it's difficult.  Especially then, actually.  <3

White Wine Blogging

This is probably a bad idea.  I've had a bottle of wine tonight.  Ask me if I care.  LOL  This is my space to be the truly true me.  Unfiltered.  Uncut.  Full on.  So, let's do this thing. 

Some things on my mind, but not enough has gelled together to do a blog on each. Yet.

If you aren't working to end it, you are complicit in continuing it.  I'm talking about:  Racism.  Sexism.  Homophobia.  Heterosexism.  Misogyny.  Xenophobia.  All those nasty little bits we see in society.  If you aren't working towards balance and equality, you are supporting and encouraging the opposite - those ugly words I just listed.  Silence implies agreement.  Denial doesn't negate its existence, either.  It just makes it easier for the ugly to continue.  Any way you slice it, these things only support the status quo.  BOOOO

Having faith does not make you superior.  Not having faith doesn't either.  None of us actually has a fucking clue.  So, instead of trying to make that guy believe (or make that other guy stop believing), how about you just shut up and accept the other person's view for what it is?  An opinion.  A hope.  A feeling.  A belief.  We have all lived on this earth.  We have all have our personal lived experiences.  We have all had good and bad happen to us.  Some find comfort and strength through faith in a higher power.  Others find it in belief in science or books or whatever else.  Fine.  Let them.  Why is it any of your damned business?  BUTT OUT.  You do not need to be right.  Neither do I.  Neither do "they."  Just shut up and listen.  You don't have to agree.  Neither do I.  Neither do they.  But, respect the opinion.  Respect the viewpoint.  That doesn't mean don't discuss.  Or, don't communicate.  But...  Show the respect and reverence you expect for yourself.  If you can't manage that, disengage.  Just...  Go.  Away.  Science and faith can be friends.  Let them be.  One supports the other.  Do the research.  There is archeological (that's a "soft" science) evidence to support stories in the Bible.  But, the Bible is based on the socio-economic-political realities of the MEN who wrote it.  It's flawed.  They didn't have the scientific knowledge we have today.  That does not make it evil or stupid.  Science is cold.  It does not feel.  It does not intuit.  That does not make it irrelevant or heretical.

People are dumb.  Not their faith.  Not their race.  Or gender.  Or sex.  Or sexuality.  People are dumb.  Not all people.  Some people.  But, those people would be dumb, or dangerous, or whatever regardless of their faith, religion, nationality, sexuality, sex, etc.  Dumb is dumb.  It doesn't discriminate.  And, it can only be corrected  with love and education and patience.  And, only if desired.  Someone wants to stay dumb and ignorant, they will.  Nothing you can do about it.  You can offer a light, but if they don't want it, there is nothing you can do.  DISENGAGE.  Walk away.  Be done with it.  It's not about you! Stop making it about you.

Law of Attraction.  What you put out, you get back.  You want good things?  Believe in them.  Like, really truly in your heart.  You believe you're gonna get crap?  Guess what?  You will.  You believe in love and hope and joy?  You'll get more of that.  The universe acts like a mirror.  You want love?  Give it.  You want wealth?  Share it.  You want health?  Feel it.  You think you deserve to be treated like crap?  The universe will prove it to you.  You believe you should be treated like a Queen?  The universe will prove it to you.  It always says "yes" to what you focus on.  So, focus on love.  Focus on hope.  Focus on joy.  Focus on good things.  It will bring them to you.  The universe is as loving and supportive as you allow it to be.  Let it keep you safe, protected, loved.  It will, if you believe it will.  What you resist, persists.  If you feel bad, feel it, then let it go so the joy and love and happy can come flooding back in.  If you feel happy, bask in it.  Embrace it, and let it move through you.  Our natural state is happy.  Look at babies.  Just happy.  Naturally happy.  THAT is our Natural Being.  We are here to live lives of love and joy and happy.  I believe that, all the way to the very bottom of me.  And remember, positive energy is always more powerful than negative.  Always. Isn't that wonderful?!  Focus on the want, rather than the not-want.  Be the love and joy and wonderful things you are.  And want.

I feel like there was more. But, I've lost it now.  Last glass.  Cheers!

Post-election "Christians" and vitriol

So, the election was a rough one this year.  For a lot of us.  But since then, the creeps have really come out of the woodwork.  The bigots, the racists, the "Christians."  The just plain stupid.  I've been turning it over and over in my head, and have finally come to the conclusion that the only way I could get it out of me, would be to share with you lovelies on the internets!  It's gonna wander.  I'm gonna ramble.  Prolly gonna focus mostly on the "Christians."  But, I gotta get it outta me!

I use the "" when I call them "Christians" cuz I don't actually see anything Christ-like in their behavior.  Or values.  If you go to FreeDictionary.com and look it up, here's what you get: 

Chris·tian
adj.

1. Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.

2. Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus' teachings.

3. Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christlike.

4. Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents.

5. Showing a loving concern for others; humane.

n.

1. One who professes belief in Jesus as Christ or follows the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.

2. One who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.

I primarily identify as a Christian that falls under the category of adj. 1-3, & 5, as well as n. 1 & 2.  I have a problem with adj. 4.  It's not about Christ at all.  So, let's leave that one out, shall we?

On to my issue.  Bear with me.  I do have a point here, but I have to wander through the logic and reasoning. First, to be blunt, Christ was NOT a Republican or conservative.  Nor would He be.  He was a liberal and a Socialist (shocked outraged gasp from the "Christians" here.) Sorry, it's true.  I don't actually care if you like it.  Let's take a look at why I say that. 

Christ taught and encouraged love, tolerance, patience, forgiveness, and acceptance of ALL.  He didn't give two shits if you were Jewish or pagan.  He didn't care where you came from, or who your folks were.  He didn't care if you were male or female (in fact, his most important supporters, it can be argued, were female).  He didn't care if you were gay or straight (if you look at the actual scripture, the Roman who sought His help with his friend, was actually seeking help for his lover - that was what the wording truly translates to.  Look it up if you don't believe me.).  He didn't care what color you were (another shocker coming here - brace yourself).  He was, in fact, a little brown man.  Not the blond blue-eyed Adonis some would like us to believe.  His hands and feet were probably dirty and gnarly.  He probably smelled bad.  His teeth were probably terrible - no dental care as we know it today, you know, and all that sand, after all.  Jesus believed in universal health care.  He healed anyone.  Without qualification.  He didn't ask about co-pays or insurance.  He went where called.  And He healed.  Period.  When someone joined His flock, they gave up their wealth and possessions to the group, so that none would go without.  We call that re-distribution of wealth.  Jesus would not have carried a gun and shot people who disagreed with His values.  In fact, quite the contrary.  He preferred discussion.  If they could not be persuaded, He moved on.  And, He encouraged his Apostles to do the same.  What He had, He shared.  He expected his followers to do the same.  And, He didn't seem to care about abortion.  He never once discusses it.  Not once.  Don't you think, if He had an opinion about it (a very common thing, in those times) He would have made some kind of statement?  These are Jesus' teachings.  Those are the tenets of Christianity.  What the "Christians" spread is Old Testament wrath of God.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as Jesus said Himself, He came to show us the way.  He was the way.  He wiped out the Old Testament teachings.  God mellowed after He had a kid.  Isn't that often the way?! 

Let's let go of the idealized churched-up version of Christ, and focus instead on the actual living breathing human man.  He is just as valuable.  Maybe more so, because THAT Jesus is one that we can all reasonably attain to be.  Just because you (I use "you" in the generalized form here on out) struggle to understand how to do that, doesn't mean it's not possible to do.  You just have to be willing to confront yourself.  Your fears.  Your prejudices.  Your ignorance.  Your bigotry.  It's not easy.  I get it.  I used to be a "Christian" and a conservative.  I've still got a long way to go, but I can at least be honest with myself about my social conditioning and my prejudices compared to what actually resonates in my heart.  And soul.  You gotta get outta your head, and get into your heart.  Then, open the door to what comes!

We are all Jesus.  We are all spirit beings have a human experience.  We are all children of God.  I believe that.  And, in believing that, I cannot withhold love from my brothers and sisters.  I cannot, in good conscience, withhold good life, health, food, clothes, and work from them.  Jesus treated all with respect and dignity.  How can anyone claim to be a Christian if they cannot do the same?  I'll be honest, in my family there are people I will not willingly associate with - the hate and bigotry that pours off of them hurts me.  To my core.  There are people in this world like that, and I will do all I can to avoid them.  To insulate against them.  But, those are the exceptions, not the rule.  We cannot say we follow Christ's teaching, but then judge an entire group based on the actions of a few, or punish those we're afraid of or unwilling to understand by making them outcasts.

And, finally, you cannot say it's God's Will when it goes your way, but it's the Devil when it doesn't.  If you prayed for Romney to win, I'm sorry you feel bad.  But, he lost.  Stop blaming Satan when things don't go how you like.  If you truly believe in God's will, then Obama winning WAS God's will.  (I personally believe that God's will, in most cases, is to let Humankind use His gift of Free Will, but I digress).  Even Israel would have preferred Romney.  God still, apparently (since he ignored even His chosen people), preferred Obama.  Deal with it.  Maybe instead of kicking and screaming and whining about it, you can put on your big-boy or big-girl undies and accept that this is the reality.  Your outdated beliefs have no relevance today.  You must grow and move forward with us, or become obsolete.  You can be a part of moving this nation forward, of molding her into something new and wonderful.  Or, you can be forgotten and left behind.  Your choice.

In either case, don't use Christ as the excuse for your ignorance, bigotry, or vitriol.  That all comes from you.  All of that is anathema to all that Christ stood for.  And to all that being a Christian should be, if it truly is about following Christ's teachings.

Anyway, that's that.  Enough of my rambling and ranting.  As expected, my focus was on "Christians."  So it is.

Oh boy! A man of my own!

A friend of mine insisted on loaning me a book to help me “find and keep a man,” essentially (I won’t even get into how aggravating THOSE assumptions are).  And, I hate it.  I mean, some of it is good.  Stuff like, demand the respect you deserve, set boundaries and stick to them, don’t be afraid to confront him when needed to get clear on something.  But, mostly, it’s the same old crap.  Women, this is what you gotta know, men are simple.  They want loyalty.  They want to take care of you.  They want gratitude.  They want sex.  Let them do that, give them that, and he’s all yours (that's a big fat lie).  Give him sex.  If he doesn’t like things you do, stop doing them so he won’t worry.  Take care of him.  Show him you’re loyal by always supporting what he does.  Don’t expect him to want to talk about your bad day or your feelings or your relationship (unless you need something fixed).  That’s just gonna make him run, and that’s what your girlfriends are for.  Make sure he feels like he’s needed, even if he isn’t. They’ve been raised that way.  It’s a man’s DNA (Can anyone point me to that code, please? I can't find a damned thing about it in the science journals, or biology books.).  Men are hunters.  Women are the prey.  (That's just fucking creepy, okay?)  The ultimate prize, the reason men get up in the morning.  Men (straight) always want sex with any gal they’re talking up (no shit, Sherlock.  You figure that all by yourself?).  It’s up to you, the woman, to make him see you as a keeper or not.  Don’t be too sexy, but don’t be a prude.  Don’t be too flirty, but don’t be too smart.  Don’t be a grouch, be pretty and smile.  Don’ be a simp or doormat, but don’t be too strong and independent, either.  That just makes you a bitch.  If you just tell men what you want, they’ll do it for you – cuz that’s just how they are.  Men are programmed to figure it out for you.  If he’s a mama’s boy, that’s YOUR fault, ladies, for not MAKING him stop being.  Make him behave.  Men cheat cuz they can, cuz they need the release and if they ain’t getting it from you and they won’t get caught, well…  And, it’s just sex, nothing to do with love.  Or, maybe he still just needs to “find himself.”  

Blah blah blah.  Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?  Whatever.  It’s idiotic.  When are we going to stop telling women to change their behaviors to suit men?  This is like those disgusting (and destructive) “douche with Lysol so your man will still want you” adverts from the ‘50s.  When are we going to accept that men are adults?  When are we going to stop talking about men as if they’re some breed of giant mutant hyper-sensitive toddlers?  When are we going to expect MORE?  When are we going to demand a level of emotional support and maturity that we deserve, and they are capable of?  I’m so sick of this shit.  It’s just ridiculous.  And back-sliding.  Are men and women different?  In some ways.  Yes, of course.  Socialization and biology are powerful forces, especially when working in tandem.  But, that does not mean I should have to coddle his ego to make him love me enough to stay.  He wants to be the strong man?  Fine.  Be it.  I love it.  Love it a lot, actually.  But, I’m a strong woman, and he needs to just accept that shit, too.  Will I ask for and appreciate his help when I need it?  Absolutely.  But, that should not be all I can expect from him to show me he cares.  And, I should not have to trip all over myself or give him a blow-job to prove my gratitude.  I have every right to be listened to.  I have every right to pay for my own goddamned dinner or drinks or nails or hair if I choose.  And, if I don’t feel like having sex, that is MY prerogative.  That doesn’t mean he can go out and bang some gal he meets at the bar down the street.  My boundaries are just as valid as his.  Emotional, physical, whatever.  Just. As. Valid.

I hated this book.  Hated it.  And, now I want to date even less than I did before, if that was even possible, if I have to behave this way to “make” a man want me.  The same old games that are the reasons I’ve always hated dating to begin with.  No, thank you.  I’m good on my own, being true to Me.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love men.  I love the way they smell.  The way they look.  They way they sound.  The sexy deep timber of their voices.  The feel of the calluses on their hands, against the softness of mine.  The way jeans so insolently hang off their hips.  I love men.  But this gender behavior crap has got to end.  How about we just let people be who they are, instead of forcing them to twist and bend to fit into a mold they just aren’t meant to be in?  Women shouldn’t have to conform to out-dated gender norms.  And neither should men. But, the negative impact of this crap on men is a post for another day.