A friend of mine insisted on loaning me a book to help me “find and keep a man,” essentially (I won’t even get into how aggravating THOSE assumptions are). And, I hate it. I mean, some of it is good. Stuff like, demand the respect you deserve, set boundaries and stick to them, don’t be afraid to confront him when needed to get clear on something. But, mostly, it’s the same old crap. Women, this is what you gotta know, men are simple. They want loyalty. They want to take care of you. They want gratitude. They want sex. Let them do that, give them that, and he’s all yours (that's a big fat lie). Give him sex. If he doesn’t like things you do, stop doing them so he won’t worry. Take care of him. Show him you’re loyal by always supporting what he does. Don’t expect him to want to talk about your bad day or your feelings or your relationship (unless you need something fixed). That’s just gonna make him run, and that’s what your girlfriends are for. Make sure he feels like he’s needed, even if he isn’t. They’ve been raised that way. It’s a man’s DNA (Can anyone point me to that code, please? I can't find a damned thing about it in the science journals, or biology books.). Men are hunters. Women are the prey. (That's just fucking creepy, okay?) The ultimate prize, the reason men get up in the morning. Men (straight) always want sex with any gal they’re talking up (no shit, Sherlock. You figure that all by yourself?). It’s up to you, the woman, to make him see you as a keeper or not. Don’t be too sexy, but don’t be a prude. Don’t be too flirty, but don’t be too smart. Don’t be a grouch, be pretty and smile. Don’ be a simp or doormat, but don’t be too strong and independent, either. That just makes you a bitch. If you just tell men what you want, they’ll do it for you – cuz that’s just how they are. Men are programmed to figure it out for you. If he’s a mama’s boy, that’s YOUR fault, ladies, for not MAKING him stop being. Make him behave. Men cheat cuz they can, cuz they need the release and if they ain’t getting it from you and they won’t get caught, well… And, it’s just sex, nothing to do with love. Or, maybe he still just needs to “find himself.”
Blah blah blah. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? Whatever. It’s idiotic. When are we going to stop telling women to change their behaviors to suit men? This is like those disgusting (and destructive) “douche with Lysol so your man will still want you” adverts from the ‘50s. When are we going to accept that men are adults? When are we going to stop talking about men as if they’re some breed of giant mutant hyper-sensitive toddlers? When are we going to expect MORE? When are we going to demand a level of emotional support and maturity that we deserve, and they are capable of? I’m so sick of this shit. It’s just ridiculous. And back-sliding. Are men and women different? In some ways. Yes, of course. Socialization and biology are powerful forces, especially when working in tandem. But, that does not mean I should have to coddle his ego to make him love me enough to stay. He wants to be the strong man? Fine. Be it. I love it. Love it a lot, actually. But, I’m a strong woman, and he needs to just accept that shit, too. Will I ask for and appreciate his help when I need it? Absolutely. But, that should not be all I can expect from him to show me he cares. And, I should not have to trip all over myself or give him a blow-job to prove my gratitude. I have every right to be listened to. I have every right to pay for my own goddamned dinner or drinks or nails or hair if I choose. And, if I don’t feel like having sex, that is MY prerogative. That doesn’t mean he can go out and bang some gal he meets at the bar down the street. My boundaries are just as valid as his. Emotional, physical, whatever. Just. As. Valid.
I hated this book. Hated it. And, now I want to date even less than I did before, if that was even possible, if I have to behave this way to “make” a man want me. The same old games that are the reasons I’ve always hated dating to begin with. No, thank you. I’m good on my own, being true to Me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love men. I love the way they smell. The way they look. They way they sound. The sexy deep timber of their voices. The feel of the calluses on their hands, against the softness of mine. The way jeans so insolently hang off their hips. I love men. But this gender behavior crap has got to end. How about we just let people be who they are, instead of forcing them to twist and bend to fit into a mold they just aren’t meant to be in? Women shouldn’t have to conform to out-dated gender norms. And neither should men. But, the negative impact of this crap on men is a post for another day.